Image: HBO

When it was announced that Meryl Streep would be joining Big Little Lies season two as Celeste’s (Nicole Kidman) mother-in-law Mary Louise, who comes to Monterey to find out what really happened to her son, I had one small question: will these bitches have to murder Meryl?

I mean, the “Monterey Five” as they’re known did kill Celeste’s abusive, rapist husband Perry, after all. The last thing they need is a nosey grandma played incredibly by Meryl Streep to figure out what all the women actually did together, which is cover up Perry’s murder like an accident. But as I watched the first episode, I realized that Mary Louise is a little unhinged herself; she’s rude, she screams, she’s just getting too close to Monterey.

Advertisement

Will someone have to kill Meryl, or will Meryl have to kill someone? Every episode of Big Little Lies Season 2, I’ll rank on a scale of 1 to 10 how close Meryl is to being murdered, or to murdering herself.

Season 2, Episode 5: “Kill Me”

1 to 10, how close is Meryl to being murdered: I was having a hard time with this episode of Big Little Lies up until the very end, largely because it’s starting to feel like I’m watching actual strangers go to couples therapy every Sunday night. Not to mention my eyes glaze over when two of the Husbands share a scene together, like I’m a bot in Westworld muttering, “Doesn’t look like anything to me!” Anyway, the only women I can possibly see murdering Meryl at this point are Celeste (duh) or Madeline, who for some insane reason did not actually throw her ice cream cone at Mary Louise this episode. What the fuck!?

Advertisement

But honestly, I just don’t know. Mary Louise seems too close to the cops to face any real danger. I’m giving this episode same as I gave the last one, 1.5 in the Meryl danger department.

Advertisement

1 to 10, how close it Meryl to murdering someone: It’s truly devastating to me that Mary Louise is trying to worm confessions out of the Five through legally acceptable means, like battling Celeste for custody, as I’ve made it clear from these posts that I’d love to watch her murder someone. Let’s assume the custody battle is just a ploy to get all the Five to re-corroborate the night Perry “accidentally” died. If so, if Celeste wins custody of her boys for good and she and the Five don’t get their stories mixed up on the stand, I wonder what Mary Louise will do then to get the truth she craves. I’m giving this episode a 2 in the Meryl murdering someone department. I’m bored!