Since the moment of his birth in the year 1994, and most acutely since he gave an interview revealing that his perfect woman is one who will attend an EDM concert and then watch him play Grand Theft Auto for three hours, Ansel Elgort, actor/DJ, has been deliberately triggering a deep and extremely long-term emotional breakdown within me.

Today, Ansolo has presented my collapsing spirit with a new, possibly lethal challenge.

In a video posted to his Facebook page on an otherwise peaceful Thursday afternoon, DJ Ansolo provided fans—and me—with a behind-the-scenes peek at his “process,” and at his staunch refusal to grow any kind of face, chest, or neck hair. A wave of adoring comments accompanies this video, unleashing sentiments that will confound me until the day I take my last gasping breath:

In the deepest voice he can possibly muster, with an expression that says “I’m looking in a reflective surface,” Ansolo explains that he is working on a new track called “You Can Count on Me,” which he wrote on piano first and then produced. (For what it’s worth, the only thing I personally have been able to count on Ansel Elgort for is a regular display of near-maniacal self-confidence and Instagram posts of himself in a speedo.) Then he begins to sing, and it is as irritating and bizarre as ever.

But then...

...

...

...

something...

...

...

...

happens.

The track is kind of... fine. I think it might be... almost... good. I don’t hate it. It sounds exactly like five other songs that came out this year, but would I dance to it? Yes. Would I drive around to it? Maybe.

Advertisement

Ansel Elgort has officially broken me, and I’m not sure how to pick up the pieces.


Gif by author, footage via YouTube.

Click here to view this kinja-labs.com embed.