The Only Person Who Should Play Elvis in a Movie Is His Goth Grandson

Welcome to the Black Parade
Welcome to the Black Parade
Image: AP

On Tuesday, Billboard reported that five young performers were up for the role of Elvis Presley in a forthcoming Baz Luhrmann biopic. They are: Miles Teller, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Ansel Elgort, Austin Butler, and my boyfriend, Harry Styles. All of these selections are wrong, because none of them are Elvis’s gothy grandson Benjamin Keough. Just look at him! He looks like he is perpetually in a goth Elvis costume, and it is very, very, good.

Sure, Miles Teller looks Elvis-adjacent, but nothing beats DNA. I don’t know who Aaron Taylor-Johnson is, but I do know he’s English, and that’s un-American. Elvis went to war. Ansel Elgort is an enemy of the site. Austin Butler is much too busy sojourning in some Southwestern paradise with Vanessa Hudgens to ever truly let Memphis into his heart, and Harry can’t do it because I’m saving him for the Mick Jagger movie.

That leaves us with Keough, son of Lisa Marie Presley, a Hot Topic Elvis in his own right. Here’s proof:


Failing the hiring of Keough, who I’m not sure can act, maybe Mark Ronson?

Hear me out: his Spanish-Style 1920s Los Feliz home in Los Angeles kinda already looks like a mini Graceland. The pieces are there. Can he move his hips? Surely the “Uptown Funk” man has some swing deep within his pale frame.

Senior Writer, Jezebel

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None o these dudes look remotely like Elvis.  Miles Teller barely has a face so surely you don’t really think he looks like Elvis.