The Property Brothers are two big and tall boys who sort of know how to do home renovation; they are also illusionists and musicians. They are the bane of my very existence, haunting my second-favorite cable channel, HGTV, with their grim visages, their clean, white teeth, and their dopey affect. They have dominated the programming at HGTV with spin-offs and one-offs, meaning that at any point in time, one could turn on the television and see Drew in a shiny tie gesturing towards an expansive backyard or pretending he doesn’t know how to swing a hammer. I do not need more Property Brothers in my life, but sometimes, the world conspires against me.
Variety reports that Fox is developing It Takes Two, a scripted series about the Property Brothers and their rise to fame, which is not something the world needs, because we already have the actual Property Brothers and the empire of merchandise and content that has sprung forth from their very existence. A scripted show—starring actors playing the Property Brothers, when the Property Brothers could already play themselves—is not the move. Here’s the logline, if we must: “The show follows two entrepreneurial twin brothers who decide to join forces in the real estate business when they realize they are stronger together than apart.”
To be fair, this show is technically “inspired by” the Property Brothers. The title is also not an intentional homage to Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s 1996 film, It Takes Two. That’s just what movies or television programs about iconic identical twins are called, because creativity is on its deathbed and we have run out of ideas. Time to close up shop. This world is broken! Let’s move on.