Thanks to some very embarrassing dick measuring, the main Fast and the Furious franchise appears to be moving on without Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, whose Kevlar belt, impossible biceps, and corny dad jokes injected new life into the street-racing-turned-anti-terrorism-and-world-saving series back in Fast Five. I am devastated to lose Luke Hobbs to a spinoff, but there is a silver lining: Cardi B is joining the Family. God help you if you fuck this up, Tyrese.
Or, at least, Cardi’s getting a cameo. Vin Diesel broke the news on Instagram on Tuesday:
On the set of Fast 9! Folks, it’s all happening.
It’s not clear how prominent Cardi B’s cameo is, or whether or not she gets to tag along while Dom Toretto and his crew try to stop global nuclear war by driving really fast to space or whatever, or if she gets to go to family dinner while Vin Diesel garbles at her, but she is IN IT. Also in it, according to IMDB: Helen Mirren, Charlize Theron, and Nathalie Emmanuel, who I assume reprise their roles from 2017's The Fate of the Furious, and John Cena, whose muscles will replace The Rock’s.
Fast & Furious 9 is out in May. I am VERY EXCITED.