There Is Nothing I Want More Than for Cardi B to Join the Fast and the Furious Family

Illustration for article titled There Is Nothing I Want More Than for Cardi B to Join the iFast and the Furious/i Family
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Thanks to some very embarrassing dick measuring, the main Fast and the Furious franchise appears to be moving on without Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, whose Kevlar belt, impossible biceps, and corny dad jokes injected new life into the street-racing-turned-anti-terrorism-and-world-saving series back in Fast Five. I am devastated to lose Luke Hobbs to a spinoff, but there is a silver lining: Cardi B is joining the Family. God help you if you fuck this up, Tyrese.

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Or, at least, Cardi’s getting a cameo. Vin Diesel broke the news on Instagram on Tuesday:

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On the set of Fast 9! Folks, it’s all happening.

It’s not clear how prominent Cardi B’s cameo is, or whether or not she gets to tag along while Dom Toretto and his crew try to stop global nuclear war by driving really fast to space or whatever, or if she gets to go to family dinner while Vin Diesel garbles at her, but she is IN IT. Also in it, according to IMDB: Helen Mirren, Charlize Theron, and Nathalie Emmanuel, who I assume reprise their roles from 2017's The Fate of the Furious, and John Cena, whose muscles will replace The Rock’s.

Fast & Furious 9 is out in May. I am VERY EXCITED.

Night blogger, author of GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO PEOPLE YOU HATE.

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DISCUSSION

It wasn’t sustainable having two egos the size of the Rock & Vin in a series like this, I’m just glad it lasted as long as it did. I would have rather gotten Han back than have John Cena join - I mean, they essentially did timeline nonsense to drag him back from the dead one time, I wish they would do it again or just say fuck it and resurrect him. They love a resurrection (*cough* Letty *cough*). I dig Ramsey (Nathalie), I hope they keep increasing her role.  They should bring a Helmsworth up in there, I’m not picky about what one. Or Ryan Gosling if he decides to sell out. 

P.S. I miss Paul Walker so much.