This Pic of Sabrina the Teenage Witch Is Not As 'Chilling' As We Were Led to Believe

Illustration for article titled This Pic of Sabrina the Teenage Witch Is Not As Chilling As We Were Led to Believe
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We’ve been promised a gritty reboot of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, ominously titled The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, but excuse me, this picture looks neither dark nor ghoulish.

While this is obviously a premature look at the series, the first images of Kiernan Shipka in the titular role of Sabrina leave much to be desired in the spooky department. Even CCO of Archie Comics Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa admits that Sabrina and her boyf Harvey are simply “adorbs.” Look at this:


Hand-holding? Where’s the blood? The entrails? Why isn’t there a cauldron full of meat next to her? I want ghosts, I want Frankenstein neck knobs, I want a pitchfork stabbing wildly.

For comparison, here’s the original Sabrina and Harvey. See a difference?

No, you don’t. Which is odd for a reboot that’s supposed to be darker.

Here’s a proposal: Harvey should be murdered in the first act of this pilot, then reanimated as a rotting corpse for Sabrina to make out with. Give us something to be freaked out by, Netflix.


Contributing Writer, writing my first book for the Dial Press called The Lonely Hunter, follow me on Twitter @alutkin

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So great to see Kiernan Shipka getting some high profile work. She was so fantastic in Mad Men.