Tom Hiddleston Has Lost His Villain Crown to Cate Blanchett

The character of Loki in the first Thor movie captured many horny hearts, catapulting Tom Hiddleston from low-rent Michael Fassbender to an international dreamboat. This was all pre-Taylor Swift (t-shirt). Seeing Hiddleston back as Loki in the the Thor: Ragnarok trailer really drives home how one bad PR move can really suck the sex out of a symbol.

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Here he is tied up in Swift’s Rhode Island beach house attic:

Screengrab via YouTube.
Screengrab via YouTube.
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Ordinarily, the sight of a greasy leather-clad creep tied up in chains would be enough to get my pulse skipping, but all I can see is Hiddleston refusing to answer questions about his private life and drinking emo tea with Benedict Cumberbatch. He’s not sexy anymore. And that is deeply sad.

Upside! Cate Blanchett as Hela:

Screengrab via YouTube.
Screengrab via YouTube.

Yes, Mom! Now that’s a villain. Throwing a circle of knives at my face in slow motion? Glowering? Deer horns? She’s the Goddess of Death, baby, and we can all still take her seriously. And don’t forget this:

Screengrab via YouTube.
Screengrab via YouTube.
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Valkyrie, played by Tessa Thompson, is here to stab people and catwalk through the carnage. So, though Hiddleston’s fall may be disappointing, Thor: Ragnarok is offering up a lot of potential new crushes to fantasize about until they get ruined by celebrity coupling.

Contributing Writer, writing my first book for the Dial Press called The Lonely Hunter, follow me on Twitter @alutkin

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DISCUSSION

fightinginfishnetsredux
fightinginfishnets

I am ridiculously excited for this movie. I’m really happy to see that after making two Thor movies with a somewhat serious tone, the studio is going FUCK IT, WE’RE JUST GOING TO MAKE IT AN 80s METAL MOVIE.

And Hela. Is. Everything.