Screenshot: CBS

The Big Bang Theory is a CBS sitcom about a group of geeky adults that has run for 12 staggeringly long years. In that time period, it has attracted critical ire, many Emmys, and earned its stars million-dollar salaries. But now this show is dying and I, a pop culture critic with a heart made of onyx who has never even seen a single episode, have decided to watch the program weekly to pay my respects—and also roast it to death one last time.

Season 12, Episode 16: The D&D Vortex

Summary: After Amy and Sheldon go on Wil Wheaton’s Bill Nye-style kid’s science show, Sheldon discovers Wil has been running an elite D&D game out of his house including participants Kevin Smith, William Shatner, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and, hottest man to appear on this television show, Joe Manganiello. Oh, and Stuart from the comics shop somehow has a spot. “Maybe he died in Wil’s house and he can’t leave until he solves his own murder,” Raj offers thoughtfully, as to why Stuart has a spot there. What nobody can tell me is why Wil’s name only uses one L, but maybe that’s a mystery I need to solve on my own time.

After the nerds scare Stuart out of the game group, Leonard is asked to take his coveted spot, but he quickly blows it by acting like a big, blubbering star-fucker dork and telling Penny about who he met at the game when he wasn’t supposed to. “Joe, from Magic Mike?!” Penny screams. “What’s that?” Leonard asks.

Penny, who is thrilled at the idea of meeting Joe, tells Penny and Amy about the D&D game, who are equally thrilled at the idea of meeting Joe. Everyone wants to fuck Joe Manganiello, is the lesson of this episode. The ladies try to cozy up to Wil to get into the game at the same time that the rest of the nerds are also trying to get into the game. Eventually Wil tells Raj, Leonard, Sheldon, and Howard, that they’re “the worst” and only want to get to his celeb friends. As punishment, Wil invites just the girls to the D&D game, where they rightfully slobber over Joe.

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Worst joke: Raj asks everyone if they want to hear about his fan fiction “Captain Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.” It’s about “a Jewish girl who flies.”

Nerdiest moment: When Sheldon meets William Shatner, he throws up on him out of excitement.

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What I learned this week: Amy has watched Magic Mike seven times or so and clearly deserves a sexual partner who can more adequately meet her needs. I feel comfortable saying this because she is a fictional character, thank you.

Did I laugh?: No, but Joe has the best line after Kevin asks him why he “always wants to attack everything, why can’t they talk about it?” Joe says: “Big surprise, podcast here wants to talk.”

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How dead is this show?: I think I died watching this show and can’t escape it until I solve my own murder?