Screenshot: CBS

The Big Bang Theory is a CBS sitcom about a group of geeky adults that has run for 12 staggeringly long years. In that time period, it has attracted critical ire, many Emmys, and earned its stars million-dollar salaries. But now this show is dying and I, a pop culture critic with a heart made of onyx who has never even seen a single episode, have decided to watch the program weekly to pay my respects—and also roast it to death one last time.

Season 12, Episode 22: The Maternal Conclusion

Summary: Whoopsie, somebody forgot to recap The Big Bang Theory on Friday because she was too busy imagining what it would be like for her to not recap this show anymore—an assignment she assigned herself. Please accept this recap with my humblest apologies.

Leonard’s mother (Christine Baranski) is in town, and for some reason she not only wants to stay with Leonard, she wants to see his lab at work which is filled with lasers and... lasers. Surprised at how well they’re getting along, Leonard is crushed when he figures out his frigid mother was just using all their nice hang-time for new research. Yikes! Hate when that happens. Leonard should have rebelled in his teen years and become a Blind Melon cover band frontman or a clown—anything—so he could distance himself from his hypothesis-obsessed mother. However, Leonard forgives his mother quite cathartically for being so fucked up at the end of the episode, and they have a tender moment. I mean she is Christine Baranski, what else are you gonna do?

Meanwhile, Stuart’s girlfriend Denise has been staying over his house (and by his house, I mean Bernadette and Howard’s house) every night. Howard gently reminds Stuart it’s his home and he shouldn’t bring his girlfriend over ever night, which is basically a huge siren screaming in his face urging him to MOVE. OUT. GROWN. MAN. Stuart and Denise watch the movie at Denise’s place, which includes her unbelievably creepy roommate Mitch. Denise eventually asks Stuart to move in with her. I feel neutral, if not nothing, about this relationship.

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Anu is offered a job in London and decides to stay there. Raj decides this is the moment he’ll propose for real to Anu and will move to London for her if she says yes. Howard dramatically decides it’s a bad idea and runs to the airport rom-com style to tell Raj that he can, and maybe should, wait to find a woman who loves what he does, like sweater-vests and cooking shows. Is this really so hard? Oh, wait, for Raj it is. “When you propose to someone in Notting Hill, you should propose to someone who knows what that movie is,” Howard says, with what looks like tears in his eyes. Then the two just walk out. Seriously?! That Howard’s feelings escalated the way they did makes little sense to me; Raj and Anu seemed like they have a good thing going and I’m not sure where he saw red flags. Maybe this was the magician in him always craving attention? The moral is: magicians suck.

Worst joke: Raj says when he proposed to Anu the first time, he took the ring back. “So, you’re an Indian Giver,” Howard says.

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Nerdiest moment: Leonard still wears Superman underwear, but only on Fridays and his birthday, which is when Penny allows him to wear them.

What I learned this week: That I can’t be trusted to recap anything.

Did I laugh?: No.

How dead is this show?: Almost dead. So close, I can smell it. Can you smell it?