The Big Bang Theory is a CBS sitcom about a group of geeky adults that has run for 12 staggeringly long years. In that time period, it has attracted critical ire, many Emmys, and earned its stars million-dollar salaries. But now this show is dying and I, a pop culture critic with a heart made of onyx who has never even seen a single episode, have decided to watch the program weekly to pay my respects—and also roast it to death one last time.

Season 12, Episode 8: The Consummation Deviation

Summary: Anu and Raj are set to get married in India on Valentine’s Day, and one night after dinner she’s casually like, “WE SHOULD HAVE SEX.” Great idea, Anu! Good to see how it is upfront. Raj is clearly nervous but into the idea. He’s so nervous that he asks the entire gang for advice and everyone assures him not to make a big deal out of it. But when the time comes, Raj, literally unable to speak, sneaks into the bathroom with an entire bottle of Champagne and drinks half of it.

Anu thinks Raj is acting weird because he’s acting totally weird, and Raj explains that for most of his life, he was so nervous around women he couldn’t speak to them without drinking. Hmm, a rare moment of seriousness on this show. Anu then shares an embarrassing fact about herself, which is that she doesn’t like music, all of it, even Beyoncé, because it’s “a waste of time.” And I was really just starting to like her, damn. But they don’t end up having sex, just talking, and then bone in the morning. Aw!

Meanwhile, Sheldon realizes he should have a better relationship with Amy’s parents. This guy has a lot of time on his hands. Amy is like, you do you, weirdo. But then Howard upstages Sheldon’s hangout with Amy’s dad with all of his cool magic tricks (yes, did I mention Howard does magic? He does magic.) Sheldon then moves to hanging out with Amy’s mother (Kathy Bates, may I remind you) and the whole time he was annoying her with tales of fungus removal from his own flesh, I wished Bates would morph into Annie Wilkes and hit Sheldon over the head with a hammer.

Worst joke: Raj sings “Single Ladies,” which is incidentally The Big Bang Theory of Beyoncé songs. Did he not buy Lemonade?

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Nerdiest moment: Raj spent the whole episode asking people for advice on how to have sex... that’s it folks. The whole episode is the moment.

What I learned this week: Penny thinks the first time she and Leonard had sex was eh, and Leonard thought it was the best night ever. And yet somehow they’re still together?

Did I laugh?: Yes! When Sheldon asked Amy’s mom, “Other than Amy, have you ever had anything removed from your body?”

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How dead is this show?: It’s not dead! If it were dead, I wouldn’t be reviewing it! Why do I keep asking myself this question each week!