What Happened to Dean?

Illustration for article titled What Happened to Dean?
Screenshot: E!/ABC

Oh, Deanie baby, you’ve changed...

Dean Unglert, the contestant who won me and others over on the Rachel season of The Bachelorette—during which the franchise finally gave some power to a black woman—and then he survived long enough to see himself become a villain, will emerge on tonight’s episode of Bachelor in Paradise with a new purpose in life. Notice he’s grown some face fuzz that looks as if he time-traveled and went too far into the future. The mustache? It’s different!

Here’s a transcript from Dean’s conversation with Chris Harrison, via E! News:

Chris: “What am I looking at? What is this? What’s going on?”

Dean: “I don’t know, I just felt like growing a mustache out for Mexico... I live in a van now. I’m just a vagabond traveling the world.”

Chris: “So, you have no home?”

Dean: “Right, homeless.”

Chris: “You live in a van.”

Dean: “Right, don’t really have a job.”

Chris: “You are a catch.”

Dean: “What woman wouldn’t want me? Especially with the mustache.”

He’s different.

Culture Editor, Jezebel

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Oh man, questionable facial hair? Lives in van? Unemployed? Sign 22-year-old me the fuck up. I can’t wait to buy him McDonald’s and lie about him to my parents.