Sometimes, when I’m blogging, I’ll let the YouTube algorithm autoplay. Music, movies, and television are too distracting and engaging but I can’t tolerate silence either, so clips from late-night television shows and trailers often fill my apartment like white noise. (Also, I haven’t been red-pilled yet, so far so good.) Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of Milo Ventimiglia videos—not complaining—which has made me curious. What is This Is Us about?
Some image-based investigating:
Season One
My guess: a young man completes his military service (thus, growing the long locks and facial hair he wasn’t permitted to while in the Marine Corps, or whatever.) He struggles to acclimate to civilian life. One night, he strikes someone with his car, drunk, and sits in the waiting room for the victim to get out of her coma. Is This Is Us a soap opera?
Season Two
Good news—the woman woke up and didn’t press charges! Milo, destroyed by the ordeal, joins a religious cult. His long locks are welcomed, they make him look a little bit like Jesus.
Season Three
God? Ew. Who needs her! Milo decides he wants to fuck bitches, get money, shave his face and buy a dive bar.
Season Four
The bar thing didn’t work out. Milo runs a series of small-town scams, swindling country club clientele out of millions. To cover his tracks, he grows a mustache. And he owns a blazer now.
Season Five
Twist! Milo befriends, falls in love with, and impregnates the woman he hit with his car in season one. They’re having kids. Twins!
But seriously, what is This Is Us about? I mustache know.
