What the Hell Is Happening on Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club?

The tone of Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club is reminiscent of that fuzzy feeling at 4 p.m. on a Saturday after a long night of partying and a shorter morning of napping, when you’re no longer fucked up but still definitely not right. Even with that said, the show took a particularly bizarre turn Monday night by going full camp. Panos, Lohan’s partner in Mykonos’s Lohan Beach House, introduced a VIP guest he described as “literally, like, you know, a big diva.” Enter Lakis Gavalas.

Lakis Gavalas is an ex-fashion designer who reportedly has been arrested several times for tax evasion. That piece of info was not shared on the show, of course, so as to not distract from the fabulousness of Gavalas. He has a Yorkie named Sex, which absolutely says everything you could ever need to know about this person.

But a few other things are: He refers to said Yorkie as “blonde,” when it is clearly dirty blonde at most. He wears a hat with a hard-to-manage giant floppy brim that he has to hold up with his hand, I think probably just for the drama. He dances by falling and doing this:

Illustration for article titled What the Hell Is Happening on Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club?

And he requests that Aristotle, a Beach Club ambassador who describes himself as shy, wash his feet. Aristotle agrees to do it, because who doesn’t love some Discipleplay?

Gavalas reminds me of a bit character in a 70s exploitation flick whose flamboyance is simultaneously mocked and admired. His eccentric ways seem ridiculous, but there’s also the suspicion that he exists on a more sophisticated vibration that normals just can’t wrap their heads around. Either way, he seems awfully satisfied with himself, a “real” person on “reality” TV.

Seriously, what is this show?

Some Pig. Terrific. Radiant. Humble.

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This show is the best and already my favorite thing on TV and it makes no sense whatsoever. Such a terrible, half-baked idea for a show and poorly executed to boot. It’s the best.