Look at all the fancy Spanx!! Just kidding, it’s Dolce and Gabbana, bella. ImageL AP
Look at all the fancy Spanx!! Just kidding, it’s Dolce and Gabbana, bella. ImageL AP

What do I know about fashion? Very little. What I do know, however, is that shapewear, should not be worn as outdoor pants.


Consider this look on Bella Hadid, a tall and skinny fashion model with cheekbones and good hair and features sharp like a pointy knife. “Bella Hadid has decided to take things to the next level by forgoing pants altogether, choosing to wear shapewear and entirely bypass any additional layers,” writes People—well, okay. She did. She (Ha)did that.

Skipping the additional and apparently optional step of “pants,” Hadid left the house in the Commando Classic Control Shorts, which are shaping shorts that one would wear underneath a pencil skirt or some sort or bridesmaid ensemble. They look like bike shorts but they hold in your jumbly bits. Technically, they’re pants—the downstairs of the wearer is shrouded in snug spandex. It’s not not pants, but it’s... a Look.


Kim Kardashian has worn this look before, perhaps in unintentional homage to Princess Diana’s penchant for a casual bike short in her downtime. Off-White’s Virgil Abloh let Naomi Campbell close his Spring 2018 show in Paris wearing an all-white iteration of this new classic, heralding the return of the freaking 1990s by screaming it from the rooftops.

Jezeble Culture Editor and fashionable woman Julianne Escobedo Shepherd informed me that she would definitely wear this look, saying that it’s very “early ’90s Elle.” As usual, she is not incorrect, but that doesn’t necessarily make it okay! I struggle with the idea of bike shorts, but would gladly leave the house in leggings; something about the brevity of the short really showcases the vagina and truncates the line of the leg in a way that leggings do not. A blazer, some bike sorts and a pair of Manolos is an outfit for some but certainly not for all! Had I my druthers, I’d leave the house in a potato sack and a pair of dirty Keds, so I’m likely not the target audience for this look, preferring my fashion to be less vagina forward and more, uh, frumpy.

Reader, I ask you to take a close look at yourself and answer honestly via the poll I’ve provided below. Would you wear your shapewear as your outdoor pants?

Managing Editor, Jezebel

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I’m going to replicate this look tomorrow so you can see how I look great even though I am not a fashion model... or you can just side-eye my camel toe. YOUR CHOICE!!!!