Your Grandparents' Clothes Were All Over the Brit Awards Red Carpet

If my grandmother were around to see some of the looks at this year’s BRIT Awards, she would be wondering why Ellie Goulding stole her table cloth, threw it over her body and called it a dress. Goulding’s lace patchwork look by Koche drew lots of eyeballs on the red carpet but also stares from elderly Latinx women who know that a crochet work this delicate should first be covered in plastic before being displayed.

Following in the trend of outfits inspired by practical objects, Lizzo came dressed in a dark brown gown modeled after a Hershey’s candy bar wrapper. This would have been more impressive if it were the almond bar as opposed to the milk chocolate bar, which is just okay.

Actress Hailie Steinfeld sported a blue shower curtain that only gets put on when guests are coming over. The sheer fabric says youthful and sexy, but the collar and floral applique don’t quite jibe. Not to be outdone, Harry Styles paired pearls and a purple knit sweater with a plumb-colored Gucci suit and loafers. I would love to rail on this outfit, but I’m hoping I can knit an exact replica of that sweater and copy this ensemble at next year’s holiday party.

On Styles’s lapel is a black ribbon to commemorate the recent loss of Caroline Flack, his former girlfriend and host of Love Island. Stormzy strolled down the carpet cosplaying as that one uncle who switched to a vegan diet in his 40s and has been de-aging ever since. His ribbed turtle neck top gives just a hint of what I can only assume is a Marvel superhero’s body underneath.

Rounding out the carpet are Billie Eilish and Finneas. Draped in Burberry from head-to-toe-to-nails, Billie looks like a displeased member of the royal family out for a stroll post-Megxit. It may actually be one of my favorite looks she’s done. Finneas oozed retiree waiting for his turn on the back nine energy with a light pink button-down and printed trousers.