Maybe I’m broken inside and have no real understanding of “fashion” anymore, or what is acceptable to wear on a body, but work with me on this: these heeled Ugg boots are actually fine.
The boots in question—via Cosmopolitan— are called the Kasen. They are made by Ugg, the same company that produced the ubiquitous and mushy casual boot made popular by starlets and west-coast teens in the mid 2000s. As legend goes, they are the shoe of choice for Australian surfers padding in from a rough day in the waves; they are at best a house shoe if you like your feet sweaty, and at worst the kind of thing you shove onto your feet when you need to run to the store for a Kit-Kat and a seltzer and can’t be fucked to lace up a sneaker or zip up a boot.
Uggs have also become a shorthand for questionable taste—they’re the shoe of the garden variety gal who ceremonially bathes in the liquid of 100 PSLs every fall and knows the “Jingle Bell Rock” choreo from Mean Girls. They’re also extremely comfortable, very warm, and worth it if you don’t mind the line of your leg terminating in a soft, squishy puddle of salt-stained suede and worn-out rubber.
These new Uggs are fine. They’re cute, even—a Laurel Canyon vibe, something something floral maxi dresses, flappy leather coats, and the most casual Drybar blowout on the menu. They’re a boot for a Real Housewives vacation in Aspen, perfect for screaming about infidelity and prostitution whores over a roaring fire pit as staff mill listlessly about in the background, pretending not to look. A good boot—a solid boot. There’s my takeaway for this goddamn year—everything is fine and Uggs are in. That’s 2017, baby!