Blogs We Declined to Write About Ariana Grande's 'Pete Davidson' B-A-E Chord Revelation

On Monday afternoon, we learned that there might be a hidden clue embedded in the song “Pete Davidson,” Ariana Grande’s song about her ex-fiancé, Pete Davidson.

Per Glamour, it appears that a lovestruck Grande cram jammed a secret message into the song, which is not really much of a secret message in and of itself—it’s called “Pete Davidson,” it’s about a minute and change long, and the lyrics, while vague, are, um, I guess about Pete Davidson. But a New Yorker on Twitter by the name of Grace Barry looked up the guitar chords for this specific song and discovered that they are B-A-E, in a loop that repeats. B-A-E spells “bae.”

If this is intentional—and I have no reason to believe that it wasn’t—then I feel confident in saying that she was dickmatized to an extreme that I’ve yet to see before. This is a terrible thing if it was intentional, and if it wasn’t, madam, I don’t know what else to say.

Here are some headlines the Jezebel staff brainstormed about this revelation, but declined to use:

We Interviewed a Doctor About Being Dickmatized

Petey Petey Petey Can’t You See, Sometimes Your Dick Just Dickmatize Me

Beelzebub Emerges From Behind Your Radiator If You Play “Pete Davidson” Backwards at Half Speed

Pete Davidson Is the Third Horseman

N (B) O (A) P (E) E

May this cursed bit of information be the last thing we have to think about relationship for the rest of 2018.