Screenshot: Ryan Seacrest Productions, Bunim/Murray Productions

The Kardashians are fighting over who does the least, which…………trick question! But we have to wonder, are any of these fights real?

On Sunday night’s Season 15 premiere of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, a scheduling conflict concerning the family’s annual Christmas card photo shoot unleashed Kim and Kourtney’s deep-seated tensions with one another. Kim told Kourtney that “no one wants you in the fucking shoot” because “she’s the least exciting to look at.” She then went in on Kourtney’s perceived work ethic, per E! News: “She doesn’t do shit. She doesn’t know what it’s like to actually have fucking work to do.”

In a phone call that appeared to take place at a later date, Kourtney told her mom and sisters, “I’m not going to be mistreated by my fucking bitch family” and called Kim, specifically, a “very distraught, evil human being.”

Exciting, perhaps! But is any of it real (“real”)? Let’s analyze each of the four fights featured in last night’s episode to see if we can find the truth (“truth”).

The patio fight: Seems fake!

Screenshot: Ryan Seacrest Productions, Bunim/Murray Productions

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Screenshot: Ryan Seacrest Productions, Bunim/Murray Productions

This scene is like a textbook example of how to instigate a fight on reality TV. Have really strong convictions about anything, even nothing! And go at it till everyone else is like “…bitch, what the fuck.” I mean, patio furniture covers? Really, Kourtney? That’s what you’re mad about it? I’m getting all kinds of “George… George Glass…” vibes from this. Also, why would they need to meet in person for this 17-second meeting about planning Kim’s baby shower? Don’t they have phones? Couldn’t they just like……i don’t know, text??

The photo shoot scheduling fight: Seems kinda real?

Kourtney might still be intentionally instigating something in this scene, but Kim’s reaction seems genuine. Real fights are like the opposite of improv. You don’t want to keep it going. You want to shut someone up, no/but’ing them into submission so you can move on with your life. Kim’s responses don’t seem scripted or pre-planned in any way. Going after Kourtney’s looks and the fact that she doesn’t own a business seem very real—the kind of things Kim fixates on whenever she’s pissed off at her older sister.

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The phone call fight: Probably real!

Whether or not she wanted to start the two previous fights, Kourtney definitely didn’t want to be told she’s “the least interesting to look at” or be accused of not doing shit with her life. Who would! Not me, personally. That’s why I think her over-the-phone tears are real. The things she says about not wanting to spend time with people who make her feel bad also seem real—very: “I just talked this over with my therapist and/or life coach and I want you to know that…” Also, she calls her mom and sisters her “bitch family.” If you had time to craft a fake comeback, why would you go with “bitch family”????

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The Twitter fight that happened last night while the episode aired: Fake as hell!

It’s so weird, how when the episodes air on TV, the Kardashian-Jenner family members all pretend like they’re still feeling exactly how they felt when they filmed the episodes however many months ago. No promo, but this Twitter fight comes across as deeply staged.