Goodbye to David Benioff and D. B. Weiss, Two Men You Can't Tell Apart

Illustration for article titled Goodbye to David Benioff and D. B. Weiss, Two Men You Cant Tell Apart
Year in Review 2019Year in Review 2019Remembering the year that you, me, and everyone we know was canceled. Rest in peace

Here’s why D.B. Weiss and David Benioff should be canceled. Follow Jezebel’s Cancel Tournament to see what ultimately gets canceled


After nine years of foreplay, D. B. Weiss and David Benioff prepared the world for what should have been the ultimate television climax in the final season of Game of Thrones. Everything was supposed to happen. The earth was supposed to be consumed by ice and fire. But just like my college boyfriend, they blew their load three episodes early, leaving viewers cold, alone and questioning how any of us got here in the first place.

No matter how it ended, at least, the memories remain. Like that time, Weiss and Benioff decided to make everyone wait a year and a half before releasing another season. Or that time they made viewers wait hundreds of years for full-grown dragons only to kill nearly all of them. Also, that other time where episode lengths differed week to week arbitrarily. Was it going to be an hour? Two? No one knew until they were settled in and it was too late, the commitment was made.


The nice thing about Weiss and Benioff is that they foresaw their own cancellation and responded accordingly. The pair unplugged from the internet the night that their worldwide disappointment of a season finale aired. They then pulled out of two subsequent projects, Star Wars and a Game of Thrones continuation. True gentlemen always know the best times to pull out and disappear.

So cheers to these men—two men who should be remembered as elevating the standards of prestige television forever but will instead go down in history as the guys who got all the answers from George R. R. Martin and still couldn’t land that plane.

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A disappointing finale is the least of the reasons why they should be canceled. What about the cast being pressured into constant nudity in early seasons and the poor treatment of every female character?

They were talentless hacks from the beginning and succeeded anyway.