Hey, Hollywood, What About a Jane Bond?

Illustration for article titled Hey, Hollywood, What About a iJane /iBond?
Image: Lucas Film

Steven Spielberg has stated that he would like to remake his classic, Indiana Jones, with a woman in place of Harrison Ford—he can if he wants. But we’d have to call the character by her new name, Indiana Joan, Spielberg says. Because she’s a woman! And no women exist with the last name Jones, come on.


“We’d have to change the name from Jones to Joan. And there would be nothing wrong with that,” Spielberg told The Sun in an interview earlier this week. Damn right. It has to be Indiana Joan.

But why stop at Indiana Joan? We’re sure she has lots of friends who would love a movie of their own, too. The Jezebel staff thought of other popular films that have to be remade with new names and titles, based on the fact that the lead character would be a woman instead of a man. Here they are.


  • Ramba
  • Jane Bond
  • The Godmother
  • Ben-Her
  • Catfight Club
  • Diana Hard
  • Saving Private Rihanna
  • Dirty Harriet
  • Revenge of the Nerdettes
  • Ladies in Black
  • Bitch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
  • Citizen Jane
  • The Motorcycle Diaries (But It’s a Girl)
  • Period Break
  • Lordess of the Ring
  • The Matronix
  • The (Wine!) Hangover
  • 12 Acceptably Angry Women
  • Queen Kong
  • Forresta Gump
  • Reservoir Cats
  • Inglorious Bitches

Easy. Just a few ideas, Hollywood.

Culture Editor, Jezebel

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Jane Bond would be cool, especially since I’ve always liked the theory that “James Bond” was just an alias used by several agents (and hated when Skyfall had it be his actual name). Jane Bond would obviously have the action sequences and gadgets, but would they also keep the horniness and penchant for the first love interest in the Bond film to be killed?

You wouldn’t even need to call her Indiana Joan. Indiana was just the dog’s name, so she could go by it too while her real name is Henrietta Jones. No idea whether it would work, given that “female Indiana Jones” is basically just “reboot Lara Croft with extra humor”.

Lordess of the Ring

Time to bust out the fanfiction for “what if Galadriel got the One Ring?”.