Hey, Hollywood, What About a Jane Bond?

Illustration for article titled Hey, Hollywood, What About a iJane /iBond?
Image: Lucas Film

Steven Spielberg has stated that he would like to remake his classic, Indiana Jones, with a woman in place of Harrison Ford—he can if he wants. But we’d have to call the character by her new name, Indiana Joan, Spielberg says. Because she’s a woman! And no women exist with the last name Jones, come on.

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“We’d have to change the name from Jones to Joan. And there would be nothing wrong with that,” Spielberg told The Sun in an interview earlier this week. Damn right. It has to be Indiana Joan.

But why stop at Indiana Joan? We’re sure she has lots of friends who would love a movie of their own, too. The Jezebel staff thought of other popular films that have to be remade with new names and titles, based on the fact that the lead character would be a woman instead of a man. Here they are.

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  • Ramba
  • Jane Bond
  • The Godmother
  • Ben-Her
  • Catfight Club
  • Diana Hard
  • Saving Private Rihanna
  • Dirty Harriet
  • Revenge of the Nerdettes
  • Ladies in Black
  • Bitch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
  • Citizen Jane
  • The Motorcycle Diaries (But It’s a Girl)
  • Period Break
  • Lordess of the Ring
  • The Matronix
  • The (Wine!) Hangover
  • 12 Acceptably Angry Women
  • Queen Kong
  • Forresta Gump
  • Reservoir Cats
  • Inglorious Bitches

Easy. Just a few ideas, Hollywood.

Culture Editor, Jezebel

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DISCUSSION

candy_pants
candy_pants

I’ve said something similar before but I don’t want a female James Bond or a female Indiana Jones or a female anything else. I don’t want the scraps of a tired franchise for great actresses. Give us new franchises with powerful women with their own new stories. I think it’s happening by the way so basically just MOAR PWEASE (please read this as Mona Lisa Saperstein thank you).