Illustration for article titled How Long Can You Endure Watching This Foot Fungus Removal?
Screenshot: TLC

At last, TLC has formulated a show that is as (or perhaps more) disgusting than Dr. Pimple Popper. My Feet Are Killing Me premiered Thursday night immediately after Dr. PP to round out a two-hour programming block that both reminds you that your life could be worse (assuming you don’t have any debilitating skin or foot issues off your own) and then makes your life worse by torturing you with ungodly footage of the treatment of said issues. It’s really quite a feat... of feet.

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On the My Feet Are Killing Me premiere, we met Morgan, a writer of erotic paranormal romances with six toes on each foot (naturally, the extra toes were amputated in gory detail); Stacy, a woman who had what looked like a zombie from a ’70s Italian gore flick growing off her foot (a plantar wart she had removed came back with a zombie’s flesh-eating vengeance); and David (below), a man with corns the size of rocks and massive helpings of toenail fungus. Dr. Brad Schaeffer, a toe bro (though not the Toe Bro) out of Jersey, described David’s foot as looking like a croissant. Giving Dr. Pimple Popper a run for her food analogies, I see. Nice. Schaeffer shares the show (but not a practice) with one Dr. Ebonie Vincent, who works out of Orange County, California. They are both disconcertingly photogenic. It’s all really a lot.

Anyway, David’s treatment is below. His fungal toenails remind me of something from the imagination of Guillermo del Toro. Good luck making it through this entire clip. 2020 is truly terrifying already.

Some Pig. Terrific. Radiant. Humble.

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DISCUSSION

Not only did I watch it all, but did so while eating chili and corn chips.