Is This From 1982? [Updated]

The teaser trailer for Insatiable, a Netflix original series starring Debby Ryan (the white Selena Gomez) and my fave Charmed witch, Alyssa Milano, didn’t leave much to discuss but the full-length look at the show, uh, sure does!

In a plot straight out of the ‘80s, Ryan plays “Fatty Patty,” a high school student ridiculed for her weight who, over the course of one summer, loses a considerable amount of pounds after having her mouth wired shut. (The reason for the wiring is not specified.) When she returns to those hallowed halls, she’s dubbed “hot” and decides to exact revenge on teenage bullies. Yes, Debby Ryan wears a fat suit; also Alyssa Milano is there for a hot minute, but who can say why.

And why this exists in 2018, when it couldn’t be more of a vintage idea (protagonist is an uggo, protagonist gets “hot,” righteous stuff happens to protagonist) is unknown. Listen, I’m not in charge of teen programming at Netflix (YET!) but something about this series seems like it might be…bad bad, not good.

Correction: A previous version of this post described ‘Insatiable’ as a Netflix original movie. It’s actually a series.