It Should've Always Been Tayshia: The Bachelorette, Week 5

Illustration for article titled It Shouldve Always Been Tayshia: The Bachelorette, Week 5
Screenshot: ABC/The Bachelorette (Fair Use)

Clare Crawley is out, all hail Tayshia Adams.

The second-ever Black Bachelorette has stepped in to save this season for ABC, and it’s already so much better that the last few weeks of Crawley’s nonsense. Adams, gracious as ever, entered the socially-distant La Quinta Resort, met Crawley’s leftover men, and then was surprised by host Chris Harrison with a limo of four new contestants on Tuesday night.

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The episode began with a cocktail hour, where Adams gave some tool named Spencer the first impression rose, mostly to piss off the other men (or because she really likes him? She does have a history of selecting dumb surfer bros). She then canceled the rose ceremony (it is slim pickings, after all) and the episode was interrupted by Harrison with an interview with Crawley and Dale Moss. The former Bachelorette maintains that she really did fall in love with Moss immediately and that they didn’t communicate prior to the filming. They even joked that he asked for her phone number after getting engaged. I’m not buying it, but no matter—it’s up to Bachelor Nation to decide.

The next day, the boys competed in a game of.... splashball? It’s basketball in the pool. Spencer was too aggressive—clearly the new villain of the season—and it worked in his favor. Adams came to his aid. A cocktail hour followed, and the boys decided to confront Spencer about being a dick, labeling him “lunch meat” and “friend bologna.” He told them he didn’t know he was being an idiot, which is exactly what an idiot would say. My problem with him is his voice—his inflections are irritating as all hell, and I hope he goes home soon. Before the night was over, Jason decided to leave because he had feelings for Clare that never subsided. He told Tayshia all about his love for the other Bachelorette in the most uncomfortably rehearsed scene, and she really dramatized it: She’s scared all of these boys will consider her second best. I mean, are they even there for her? Who knows! Probably not!

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Brendan, a man I’m fairly certain we haven’t seen before, secures the first one-on-one. They ride horses in the parking lot around the resort. Chris Harrison interrupts by handing them treats, interrupting what little sexual tension they could muster. Brendan and Adams make out in the pool, despite having limited chemistry. At dinner, he reveals to her that he was once married but got divorced when she realized she didn’t want to be a mother. She admits that she, too, is a divorcee, and so she understands. They make out again, this time, during a fireworks show, and she says she feels like she’s kissing her “person.” Please, god, let’s not have another Dale situation, alright?

Listen, it was a pleasant enough episode, but is Adams here for love? So far, it seems to me she’s just going through the motions with these lackluster men in order to bolster her career as an Instagram influencer and you know what? I respect it.

Opinions only sometimes my own. Senior Writer, Jezebel. My debut book, LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands, is out now.

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DISCUSSION

Not that I would ever be on this show but I could never be Tayshia. Look, out of this bunch of men at least 50% are probably there for fame or whatever...but 100% of those men signed up because they thought they could find love or atleast get some screentime with Clare. Literally on the first episode everyone is professing their fucking love for her and how they saw her on telly, etc, etc with some of them saying they never thought they would sign up for this but they seemed really into her spirit or whatever...clearly a little bit bullshit but the point remains that these men were signing up for the Clare experience.

Then Clare bails and Tayshia shows up with literally a bunch of leftover men who may or may not have signed up for her had she been the original bachelorette who have spent the previous week(s?) actively intensely trying to make a connection with Clare.  I would have trust issues all the way to fucking pluto.