Screenshot: MTV

In Jersey Shore, Abridged, Jezebel will be recapping the first season, and maybe the entire series, of Jersey Shore in 3 to 5 sentences followed by viewing comprehension questions and therapeutic prompts. This series is in honor of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation and me, for my decision to watch and appreciate Jersey Shore for the first time. Please enjoy.

Season 1, Episode 1:

In the inaugural episode of Jersey Shore, we meet our cast, fates sealed before they realize it: Snooki (tender), Ron (anger problems), JWoww (anger problems), The Situation (anger problems that manifest as destructive meddling), Vinny (taking a tentative step outside the womb of his Staten Island family home), Angelina (anger problems), and Pauly D (handsome, despite what others at Jezebel believe).

They move into a house with wood paneling and collectively engage in problem drinking. Snooki, the emotional heart of this series, craves tenderness but is met with cruelty when her pursuit of connection leads her to over-indulge and act inappropriately. Isolated from the group, she tries to make a phone call, only to find a stranger on the line: ā€œWho is this? Who the fuck is this?ā€ the stranger demands. Our housemates, given a rare opportunity to view their lives as televised narrative, may very well be asking themselves the same thing.

Comprehension questions: Have you ever felt as sad as Snooki feels in the first episode of Jersey Shore? What is your greatest sadness?