Image: AP

Ever so slowly, Hollywood is starting to get its shit together when it comes to casting for major roles. Following a procession of men to have held the post of 007 since the James Bond franchise launched in 1962, the role will, at long last, belong to a black woman.

Up until this point, Lashana Lynch, 31, was best known for her portrayal of pilot Maria Rambeau in Captain Marvel. It’s not that she is going to be James Bond (still played by Daniel Craig); rather, she’s going to assume his agent number now that he’s fucked off to his retirement in Jamaica. But according to the Daily Mail, he’ll come trotting back because no one ever just seems to be able to stay retired:

The story begins with Bond retired in Jamaica. But spymaster M – played by Ralph Fiennes – calls him back in desperation to tackle a new global crisis.

A movie insider said: ‘There is a pivotal scene at the start of the film where M says ‘Come in 007', and in walks Lashana who is black, beautiful and a woman.

‘It’s a popcorn-dropping moment. Bond is still Bond but he’s been replaced as 007 by this stunning woman.

It adds that Bond is of course attracted to his hot successor, but his “usual seduction tricks” don’t work. Imagine!

The Mail attributes the decision to cast a black woman as 007 to Fleabag creator and our collective soulmate Phoebe Waller-Bridge, who was enlisted to punch up the desiccated franchise by Craig himself. Smart man. She addressed the issue of Bond’s continued relevance in The Year of Our Satan 2019 thusly:

I think he’s absolutely relevant now. [The franchise] has just got to grow. It has just got to evolve, and the important thing is that the film treats the women properly. He doesn’t have to. He needs to be true to his character.’

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As a source told the Mail:

“This is a Bond for the modern era who will appeal to a younger generation while sticking true to what we all expect in a Bond film,’ the source added. ‘There are spectacular chase sequences and fights, and Bond is still Bond but he’s having to learn to deal with the world of #MeToo.’

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Get ready for Bond. Woke Bond.