It’s Dune time, nerds! Timothee Chalamet stars as lead Paul Atreides in the Denis Villeneuve-directed adaptation of the sci-fi epic, and I can see his face all over your mall’s Hot Topic now. According to Deadline, Atreides is “a brilliant and gifted young man born into a great destiny beyond his understanding, who must travel to the most dangerous planet in the universe to ensure the future of his family and his people. As malevolent forces explode into conflict over the planet’s exclusive supply of the most precious resource in existence—a commodity capable of unlocking humanity’s greatest potential—only those who can conquer their fear will survive.” Because I have never read the books, I assumed the movie was about Chalamet killing big sandworms that look like ginormous anuses in the official trailer for the film. I assumed wrong. The movie looks great! Even with the anal worms!
The three-minute trailer, which dropped on Wednesday, follows Chalamet as he navigates life on a big sand planet with an all-star cast: Oscar Isaac, Josh Brolin, Zendaya, Sharon Duncan-Brewster, Jason Momoa, Javier Bardem, and Rebecca Ferguson. Chalamet looks very handsome and burdened by responsibility, which means he spends the entirety of the clip brooding.
In the name of journalism, here is a ranking of his brooding faces, from worst to best.
11. The “Nostrils Flared, Shit’s Serious” Face
A fine brooding boy, but not a very animated one. This is the first face he makes in the trailer, setting the viewer up for much better ones.
10. The “Lightly Furrowed Brow” Face
Now we’re talking. Clenched jaw, wrinkled forehead—this is the brooding face of a man who’s realized he’s on a hero’s journey, whether he likes it or not.
9. The “Moody Broody” Face
If it weren’t for his concerned expression, this shot could be for a GQ fashion spread. And yet, he’s too moody to model. What is he looking at? No one knows, but I hope it is me.
8. The “French Boy” Face
He looks extremely French here. Like, more than usual.
7. The “Anguish? Or Fucking?” Face
You could argue that this image does not portray your classic brooding boy, but it does look like a boy suffering from pain or pleasure. You could also argue that those are brooding-adjacent sensations, and I will.
6. The “Professor Snape” Face
He’s a wizard, ’Arry.
5. The “Too Cool to Die” Face
He’s got a needle to the neck and he’s not even blinking! He’s vacant and posed, empty and hardened. A solid brooding boy.
4. The “Emo Spider-Man” Face
In the 2007 film Spider-Man 3, Peter Parker (as portrayed by Tobey Maguire) grows bangs when he becomes evil, immediately taking on the appearance of one-time emo heartthrob, Bright Eyes’ Conor Oberst. Here, Chalamet embodies a similar edge—a fringe covering his eyes, an intensity only a man with a steel jawline could exude. It is a very good brooding face.
3. The “Masked” Face
He’s wearing a mask! Timely and goth-y, which reminds me of the band Nine Inch Nails, who are known for brooding. In fact, I will be surprised if they don’t make an appearance on the official Dune soundtrack.
2. The “I’ll Fucking Kill You” Face
Is he filled with murderous rage? Is he going to burst into tears? Hopefully both. His face has almost changed shape here, he is brooding so hard.
1. The “Time for War” Face
Knives (or daggers?) are the weapon of choice for the brooding boy because they are weapons used in close-contact, passionate battle. Also, he looks hottest here, so this is his best face.
Dune opens December 18, apparently because Warner Bros. Pictures is banking on there being a vaccine by then. I’ll catch it at the drive-in.