Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion Causes Worldwide Glitter Shortage

Illustration for article titled iReal Housewives of New Jersey/i Reunion Causes Worldwide Glitter Shortage
Screenshot: YouTube

On Wednesday night, the cast of Real Housewives of New Jersey gathered around den mother Andy Cohen to rehash all of Season 10's drama for part one of the reunion. Before Andy even made it to the first commercial break, rookie Housewife Jennifer Aydin made it crystal clear that she was there to solidify herself as a star. Jennifer spent most of the episode attacking veteran castmate Melissa for just about any reason she could possibly find. Jennifer also summoned the energy to comment on Dolores’s relationship, saying she was “settling” and for reminding Andy and the viewing audience how taboo it is to talk about money. But showing up at a reunion in a blue bedazzled dress and Louboutin heels is a money statement all its own.

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As is custom every reunion, each Housewife was styled from head to toe with over the top New Jersey glam. The theme of this year, more than any other year I can recall, seemed to be body glitter. These women looked as if they had been picked up prior to dressing, dipped in a vat of gold body glitter and then sat out to dry. It was almost distracting, but luckily their outfits were also glittery, which evened things out slightly. But not everyone hit the mark when it came to pairing their crystal laden gowns with a hairstyle that pulled it all together. Here are all the most expensive dos in Jersey, ranked.

Illustration for article titled iReal Housewives of New Jersey/i Reunion Causes Worldwide Glitter Shortage
Screenshot: YouTube
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Jackie wore the most amount of body glitter but also brought the best hair. Her gentle beach waves said, “I’m here to have a good time,” while her eyes said, “What can I pick up and throw at Jennifer?”

Illustration for article titled iReal Housewives of New Jersey/i Reunion Causes Worldwide Glitter Shortage
Screenshot: YouTube

Margaret loves speaking in the third person and she loves a shaggy lob. Last night’s lob was particularly nice, but the positioning of her fringe made the whole look seem a little over-teased.

Melissa definitely made a decision that her black jumpsuit was going to do all the talking last night while she recovered from laryngitis. She paired it with a pulled-back pony and thankfully skipped any ornate hairpins.

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Illustration for article titled iReal Housewives of New Jersey/i Reunion Causes Worldwide Glitter Shortage
Screenshot: YouTube

Jennifer almost won the night with this simple straight-haired look that complimented her face and didn’t overwhelm her dress. But then she added strands of rainbow extensions that I initially thought were earrings, and suddenly it looked like she’d gone to a very expensive carnival and the extensions were the remnant of a stint at the face-painting table.

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Dolores usually rocks a nice wavy look and stayed within her wheelhouse. The waves were a little overwhelming as framing for her face. Her amazing bone structure gets lost under all those waves.

Teresa. I spent the entire hour wandering what possessed this woman, whose hair must already be weighed down by all the product and extensions, to attach a chandelier to the side of her head.

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Illustration for article titled iReal Housewives of New Jersey/i Reunion Causes Worldwide Glitter Shortage
Screenshot: YouTube

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DISCUSSION

onlyjudycanjudgeme
OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe

Most of these women seem to be genuinely bad people who have bad taste in clothes, home decor, and men....I haven’t missed a single episode in 10 years. I have no shame.