The 'Baby Shark' Reign of Terror Isn't Over

I’m sorry to report—especially to any parents or babysitters reading—that “Baby Shark” is evolving before our very eyes. It’s changing shape, getting stronger, faster, and more unstoppable by the minute. Nickelodeon announced on Wednesday that it’s developing a TV show for preschoolers about the small shark and its family, Deadline reports. Sounds about right. Just yesterday, the “Showtime” guys on my train were doing a “Baby Shark” dance routine.

The most hair-raising aspect of the forthcoming Nickelodeon project is how little is known about it: No premiere date or episode count has been announced. Will each episode be five minutes or one hour long? What if it hits syndication? “Baby Shark” will get passed down and shared from generation to generation, and grandparents will talk about it like it was the war.

Senior Writer, Jezebel

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E=MC Hammmered

I hate this godforsaken song as much as any other parent, but at least it’s stupid catchy melody can be incorporated into just about anything you want to say, so you can flip it and use it against your kids so that they eventually grow to hate it as much as you do: “Bruuuush your teeth, do do do-do do, brush your teeth do do do-do do, brush your teeth do do do-do do, brush your teeth,” “cleeeean your room, do do do-do do, clean your room do do do-do do...” etc.

Now my kids associate it with chores and me being obnoxious, so they don’t want to hear it either!