Screenshot: HBO

A friend of mine who is thinking about having her first child told me recently that her biggest worry was that her kid would turn out be a herb. I declined to clarify to her that all children are herbs, the only variance being that they’re not equally so. It’s indisputable that some kids are better than others (some kids, after all, turn out to become Republicans) and the children in Big Little Lies, the hit HBO show starring Meryl Streep’s scream, are no exception. (I am not the only one who thinks so—Garage recently ranked the kids, but I’m sorry to say their ranking was wrong.)

Here are the Big Little Lies kids, ranked from worst to best (or least to most herby) and only by names I can remember them by:

7. Amabella

6. Madeleine’s older daughter

5. Madeleine’s younger daughter

4. The bad twin

3. The good twin

2. Zoe Kravitz’s daughter

1. Ziggy

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