The Calm Will Soon Put People to Sleep Via Television

Illustration for article titled The Calm Will Soon Put People to Sleep Via Television
Screenshot: The Calm/YouTube

Thousands of years ago, someone sat and quieted their mind and gave birth to the practice of meditation. It was a pure and simple thing that anyone could do with nothing but a bit of time and their own willpower. But in the strange year that is 2020, all purity and goodness must be scourged from the face of the earth, which is why the Calm app, created to put meditative practices in your pocket, is corrupting meditation even more by turning it into prestige television.

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According to Vulture, the app that’s recently been hiring celebrities to put listeners to sleep, is creating a series titled A World of Calm, which will involve “mesmeric imagery” and voice-overs from huge stars, including, “Mahershala Ali, Idris Elba, Oscar Isaac, Nicole Kidman, Zoë Kravitz, Lucy Liu, Cillian Murphy, and Keanu Reeves.” An entire visual production that will likely stimulate the brain because of the blue light from TV screens but is intended to help with sleep.

HBO Max has not announced the release date for the show, but Calm’s CEO explained that it was entirely produced during quarantine and that it’s like “visual Valium and will help people relax.”

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I hate to yuck anyone’s yum but such a show already exists and it’s called The Joy of Painting starring Bob Ross. Here is an episode of the show, in case you need help getting to sleep before the Calm show premieres.

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DISCUSSION

enoughalreadywithforuming
So That Happened

Cool for people that love visuals and Calm’s use of celebrity voices. For those of you who can’t afford their hefty subscription fees or the price of HBO Max, however, there a lot of free sleep podcasts that already exist on YouTube, as well as audio. Let me point you to Boring Books for Bedtime, The French Whisperer (best male sleep voice anywhere, in my opinion), Nothing Much Happens, or Read It and Sleep.

And, of course, Bob Ross (who has an entire YouTube channel of his old episodes—so good!).