Timothée Chalamet Is Too Hot to Play Young Bob Dylan

Illustration for article titled Timothée Chalamet Is Too Hot to Play Young Bob Dylan
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On Monday, Deadline reported that my son Timothée Chalamet will play Bob Dylan in an upcoming biopic about Dylan’s move from folk to rock music. The film will be directed by James Mangold, most recently known for his work on Ford v Ferrari—which I did not watch but my father loved. I’m certain my father will also love this Dylan movie, even though there are already approximately 90,000 Dylan movies in existence and I’m still waiting for someone to do Joni Mitchell justice. Anyway, didn’t Cate Blanchett already do the whole Dylan thing?

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Because Bob Dylan is still alive (and what a horrifying name to see trending on Twitter last night!) I’m sure he had to approve Chalamet’s casting. That’s fine. I happen to like Chalamet, but I do think he is objectively too hot to play young Dylan. (Young Dylan was cute, but Chalamet’s jawline could slit your throat with the precision of a Miyabi Hibana knife set. There are subtle differences.) I raise the filmmakers this: Why not Adam Sandler? After seeing Uncut Gems, I have no doubt in the man’s performance and range. And he also already resembles Bob Dylan. The internet agrees with me. This seems like an easy call.

Music biopics would be wise to celebrate middle-age musicianship instead of only making movies for middle-aged viewers. Who would expect that? No one. It’s genius. Producers, find me on Venmo. If not, borrow the de-aging technology Martin Scorsese used in The Irishman. There are so many fixes. You can still find me on Venmo.

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A release date for the biopic has yet to be set, but I’m sure it will end in award show praise.

Correction: A previous version of this post incorrectly identified Timothee Chalamet’s religious background. His mother is Jewish. We apologize for any confusion.

Senior Writer, Jezebel. My debut book, LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands, is out now.

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DISCUSSION

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BreakerBaker

Whether he’s too hot or not is probably subjective, but he objectively does not look like him. And the fact that he’s unavoidably boyish looking ensures that the movie is going to focus entirely on the very beginning of Dylan’s career, which is already heavily mythologized in American popular culture. There may not even be a script yet, but I can tell you with 80 percent certainty that it’s going to be told primarily through flashback and culminate with Dylan taking the stage at either Newport or Manchester and playing an electric set to a jeering audience, which the film will play for laughs in a “if only they knew” kind of way.

If I remember correctly, I think that’s how the Scorsese documentary from back in 2000s was structured. It’s how this will be too. Because there’s no way this movie covers his marriage, religious conversion, etc.