Screenshot: CBS

The Big Bang Theory is a CBS sitcom about a group of geeky adults that has run for 12 staggeringly long years. In that time period, it has attracted critical ire, many Emmys, and earned its stars million-dollar salaries. But now this show is dying and I, a pop culture critic with a heart made of onyx who has never even seen a single episode, have decided to watch the program weekly to pay my respects—and also roast it to death one last time.

Season 12, Episode 9: The Citation Negation

Summary: Amy and Sheldon are still working on their very serious, potentially Nobel Prize-winning paper about something called an “asymmetry model,” which I wish I could explain to you but, alas, I am a writer and not a scientist. I know I had to make that distinction otherwise you’d be confused. Anyway, the paper is so important that they hire Leonard to double-check their citations, but in the process Leonard finds an old paper that examines the exact same model Amy and Sheldon are researching... and it totally disproves their thesis. Drama! Amy and Sheldon become depressed over the news that this piece of work they’ve poured everything into is now over, but Leonard gives them a pep-talk and I guess... they’re fine now? Huh. I guess I just haven’t watched a TV show in a long time where trauma doesn’t transfer over to future episodes!

Meanwhile, Bernadette tries to play Drake’s favorite game Fortnite, which Howard and Raj are currently obsessed with. But she keeps losing and vows to get better to prove her worth to Howard (to which Penny replies “you know, you make a lot more money than he does, can’t you just rub his nose in that?”) I’m still not sure why she cares so much, but eventually Bernadette gets comic store employee Denise to help coach her, but she still can’t beat Howard at the game so she does, eventually, scream that she makes more money to him. Sometimes the most simple solution is the best one.

Worst joke: When Penny catches Bernadette playing video games, she asks if it’s a Freaky Friday situation where Bernadette is actually Howard. She replies that no, if she were Howard, he’d be doing this all day:

Image: CBS

Advertisement

Get it, because men like boobs. Ha, ha, ha.

Nerdiest moment: While looking up citations for Amy and Sheldon’s paper, Raj is afraid to look for books in the dark library without being close to Leonard, so he insists they stay in constant contact by calling each other’s names.

What I learned this week: Sheldon calls his penis his “no-no parts.” Help.

Did I laugh?: No.

How dead is this show?: I am picking poisonous mushrooms like Alma from Phantom Thread and hope to make The Big Bang Theory a nice mushroom omelette.