I FEEL PRETTY!!!
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Hello, Broadway producer, I’m so glad you brought this to my attention—I’m delighted to hear about West Side Story returning to the Great White Way, and I will certainly pay big Broadway money to sit front row and scream-sing the lyrics to “I Feel Pretty,” thank you!!!!

What’s that you say, Broadway person? This isn’t going to be the West Side Story I know and love, with the incredible original Jerome Robbins choreography?? Are you telling me that someone ELSE is going to reinterpret what some might consider to be Robbins’s best work and make it their own???

I’m defintely not saying you, Broadway producer, or Ivo van Hove, the director of this revival, should put whoever has the privilege of playing Anita in the very same lilac dress that Rita Moreno wore in the movie, but what I am saying is that I am excited and slightly nervous to see what and how Anne Teresa De Keersmaeker does with Robbins’s iconic choroegprahy and this musical, which, for the record, is wonderful and should not be sullied by some So You Think You Can Dance style contemporary-modern Travis Wall at his most extra and over-emotive shit!!

I want some high kicks, producer man! Make sure every pirouette is tight and cool. I want isolations and snapping fingers and men performing masculinity whilst also performing beautiful and acrobatic ballet! Don’t ruin this for me—or for America!!