Image: Warner Brothers

We are exactly one month out from one of the most significant cultural events of our generation: the release of Bradley Cooper’s remake of a remake of (depending on how you interpret things, another remake of) A Star Is Born, starring not Stefani Germanotta (the name I once predicted she’d use), but Lady Gaga herself.

Though the trailer was initially ridiculed for its low-level campiness and paint-by-numbers story (is there a more obvious narrative in all of Hollywood than the rags-to-riches story that coincides with someone else’s downward spiral?), early reviews out of this year’s Venice Film Festival have fully doused the film in the kind of praise actors and directors dream about.

Just yesterday, Variety speculated that the film could be only the fourth film in Oscars history to win “all five major Academy Awards” (Best Picture, Best Director, Best Screenplay, Best Actor, and Best Actress). “It’s that kind of accomplishment,” they write.

Thanks to the breathless acclaim, I have created a month-long calendar you can either print or transcribe into your own schedules. You’re welcome.


Wednesday, September 5, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

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Thursday, September 6, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

Friday, September 7, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

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Saturday, September 8, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

Sunday, September 9, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

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Monday, September 10, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

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Wednesday, September 12, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

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Friday, September 14, 2018

- Buy tickets to the first show of A Star Is Born on October 5, as most theaters should be selling advance tickets by now.

Saturday, September 15, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

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Sunday, September 16, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

Monday, September 17, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

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Tuesday, September 18, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

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Thursday, September 20, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

Friday, September 21, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

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Saturday, September 22, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

Sunday, September 23, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

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Monday, September 24, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

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Wednesday, September 26, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

Thursday, September 27, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

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Friday, September 28, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

Saturday, September 29, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

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Sunday, September 30, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

Monday, October 1, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

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Tuesday, October 2, 2018

- Go about your day as you normally would, and avoid all leaks of the Star Is Born soundtrack.

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

- Lay the foundation of a fake illness by casually bringing up that you’re feeling a little weird to a coworker during lunch.

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Thursday, October 4, 2018

- Leave work early and say you’re very sick.

Friday, October 5, 2018

- Call in sick to work and see the first showing of A Star Is Born at your local theatre. Then the second, third, fourth, and—if possible—fifth.