Taylor Swift's 'Christmas Tree Farm' Is Perfect for Panicked Late-Night Shopping Sprees and That's It

Y/NY/N is a guide to the week’s music releases based on our highly scientific, non-subjective Yes/No rating system.

Nah: Taylor Swift, “Christmas Tree Farm” - “My heart is a Christmas tree farm, there’s a light in the barn,” sings Taylor Alison Swift in a “surprise” single released for no real reason other than it is practically Christmas and she feels the need to remind us that she maybe grew up on a Christmas tree farm? In the spirit of generosity, I will say that it is always endearing to see grainy camcorder footage of children, but I also don’t buy this story that she grew up on a Christmas tree farm. However, as far as Christmas songs go, I look forward to hearing this soundtrack panicked late-night shopping sprees at a 24-hour Sephora, purchasing mini NARS Orgasm blushes to stuff in the stockings of my ungrateful sisters. —Megan Reynolds

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The Weeknd, “Heartless” - Like the song says, the Weeknd is still broken, a man stuck in a cycle of drinking and drowning in vagina, which makes him a broken record. But he is good for a reliably dark and dramatic video; in this case, he’s surrounded by bright lights and hazy debauchery. He licks a frog and falls into a daze, trapped in his own mind. It’s finely executed and very The Weekend, but when will this guy be saved? —Clover Hope

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I adore it: Harry Styles, “Adore You” (music video) - If only this music video went on to movie length! I won’t spoil it for you, but know that it is worth a full watch, because it is a fully realized universe, ripe with inventive folklore set in the fictional Isle of Eroda. The song itself is classic ’Arry Styles, too: vintage rock ‘n’ roll, funky riffs, a lovelorn chorus that is both charming and strikingly despondent. There’s even a guitar solo, which only Styles could make feel contemporary. Also, every member of One Direction (save for Zayn) released new material this week, so consider the next few items to be a 1D rock block. —Maria Sherman


It’s a yes from me, but I won’t hate you for not making it through the schmaltz: Louis Tomlinson, “Don’t Let It Break Your Heart” - Judging by all the solo singles Tomlinson has released to date, his debut LP will center on one theme: survival. This song in particular is a One Direction-sized anthem, I only wonder if it won’t translate with just one performer—there’s something dangerous about uplifting-sounding music with an uplifting message, people tend to deride it as corny. I don’t mind it, of course. Some will. —MS

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No thanks: Liam Payne, “All I Want (For Christmas)” - Spoiler: it’s you. He wants you for Christmas. This ballad is gorgeous and Payne’s voice has never sounded so full, but “All I Want” would work just as well if it weren’t season-specific. Better, in fact. It’s also a bit odd that it makes an appearance on his debut solo LP, the aptly titled LP1, but maybe I’m a Grinch and it’ll work in his favor. Who knows! —MS

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It’s fine: Niall Horan, “Put A Little Love On Me” - It’s no “Nice to Meet Ya,” but it’s decent. Now that Niall’s solo aspirations are becoming realized, we can retire Ed Sheeran. There’s no reason to keep him around anymore. —MS

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Yes: CL, “+DONE161201+” - Where did this new track from K-Pop legend CL, formerly of girl group 2NE1, come from? Stereogum has theorized that the song was recorded years ago, possibly back in 2016 considering the date in the song’s title. If that’s true, why release it now? At any rate, it’s an ear worm, and her bars are as tight as ever. I hope this CL sending a message: new tunes are on the horizon. —MS

Senior Writer, Jezebel

Culture Editor, Jezebel

Senior Writer, Jezebel. My debut book, LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands, is out now.

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DISCUSSION

tsuyoikuma

I feel like that Harry Styles video just shamed me into getting my teeth whitened...

Also, sorry Harry, they don’t give out Oscars for music videos and that whole human-fish love story thing has already been done, and very recently.