Screenshot: Youtube

Jezebel’s pick for Top Chris of the Famous Chrises, Chris Pine, stars in a new film that just premiered at the Toronto Film Festival. The historical epic Outlaw King features Pine as the crown-seizing Robert the Bruce in medieval Scotland. But according to critics who saw the movie, it also features Pine’s dick.

His! Penis!

Vulture reported in a post titled “Chris Pine’s Penis Dazzles Audience at Opening Night of Toronto Film Festival”:

The sex scene that ensues can only be described as Wiseauean, both in the way the camera lovingly lingers on the male lead’s backside, and in its willingness to go on for a beat longer than is comfortable. It’s kicked off by a split-second shot where Robert disrobes, unveiling the full majesty of his medieval bush. It’s a level of nudity you don’t often see from male movie stars, and quite frankly, it makes Justin Theroux look like Buffalo Bill.

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But there’s more:

This rebirth is symbolized by a cleansing swim in a picturesque firth, after which our hero strips off his tunic and — surprise! — exposes his royal todger to the world. We only see it in a long shot, and the moment ends before anyone watching can finish saying “Whoa”...

“I think the way our society deals with nudity is so stupid,” Pine once told Cosmo. “Whenever people are getting out of bed in a movie, a woman is covering her breasts and a man is covering his junk. That’s not real life! If you’re getting out of bed, just be naked. That’s what people do!”

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Curiously, Variety’s review goes so far as to accuse Netflix of using Pine’s nudity to attract more subscribers to the platform:

The appeal of “Outlaw King,” by contrast, is that it’s thoroughly R rated (or will be, once the MPAA gets a look at it), full of sword-to-sword, spear-to-the-skull combat for war-movie mavens, and something like 15 seconds of full-frontal Chris Pine scenery for his fans. The carnage should sell itself, but will Netflix users sit through nearly two and a half hours for a flash of celebrity flesh? Cynically speaking, not only are the content company’s algorithms telling it yes, but it’s counting on thousands of new members signing up just for the privilege.

So the question is: will you sign up to Netflix and sit through a movie about medieval Scotland JUST to see A FLASH of Jezebel Endorsed-Chris’s dick!?